Did I fall in Love?

I got my first boyfriend at the age of 22, along with my first kiss. It's been ten months since we have begun dating. He is an amazing, thoughtful, and sweet guy. I finally found someone willing to make me happy no matter what. Even if that means painting my nails, listening to me talk for hours about the same thing, and doesn't judge me for crying, etc. Before him, I have never loved another man, so he is my first love, and throughout our relationship, I have learned a lot about what my dad likes to call "menfolk," self-love, and reflectiveness.

What makes someone love someone else? I always wondered… is it the way they look, dress, talk, speak? To be completely honest, I was and still am a hopeless romantic. I fantasized 25/8 about meeting the perfect man in some cheesy nonchalant way that usually lined up with the plot of the many romance movies I watched. How we meet wasn't romantic, but it was real. I met my boyfriend at my previous job, Culver's… the burger and ice cream joint. We didn't date, but we talked as friends for quite some time. When I was focused on schools and other things in my life, I realized I didn't need that much attention. We met, we talked, and it was epic. He is on the tall side with long legs, so I would like to watch him walk back and forth from one place to another. We didn't get together while we were working. He texted me during the first month of the Covid-19 outbreak.

My senior year of college was strange because everyone had to evacuate the dorms and all the courses went online. Since I have a job that required me to be on campus at the time, I was out of a job for a little bit, so I decided to start working at Culver's again for some income. I didn't work with Daniel, nor did I see him. One day I showed up to work when they had called me off (I didn't check my voicemail beforehand) and saw Daniel for a brief glimpse. He looked handsome as all ways. Not too long afterward, Daniel decided to text me, "Hey, it's been a while," to which I wanted to reply, "Hell yeah, it has; what do you want?" Do you know that voice in your head that stops you from saying what you want to say to someone? That voice popped up. I proceeded to have a friendly conversation with him. One thing leads to another, and ten months later, I still can't shake him off. I love him from the bottom of my heart, and he is truly remarkable in every way.

Our first date consisted of us going kayaking, having a picnic, and walking. It was the first time he told me that he loved me (which was on the first date) and my first kiss. I was scared and nervous because I've never been in a relationship, and he was serious. I was serious too, but there isn't a book on how to get Joseph Michael to fall in love with you and stay in love. The hardest part about being in love for me was not wondering if I'm good enough, or if I don't love this person correctly, or me falling out of love with them. The hardest part for me was the nagging voice of terror that wondered what if he falls out of love with me or what if we realize one year down the road that this who thing was a mistake. For God's sakes, the man met my parents, so there was not turning around now. Then I realized that Joseph is a part of my world and not my whole world. If he were to ever fall out of love with me, I know that there is a world of people who never will, and I find comfort in knowing that.

Love is a choice and an action. There are times where we don't feel like loving someone. For example, when your mad at your sibling most of the time you don't fix them their favorite meal to as a mean to reconcile your emotions. I have to have faith in Joseph and myself. I had to start believing that I am worth loving lifetimes over. I fell in love with Joseph, and I realized that being in love with him required that I be in love with myself as well. So I began to write to myself, say kind things, read more, indulge in exciting new hobbies (ballet). I've realized that love is not about blending your life with someone else to create a whole, it's about willfully inviting someone into your life to indulge, admire, have fun, and challenge.